The heart of the matter – no one wants to be judged, but the fact of the matter is – we all do it. We judge others based on the things we see and our own moral compass; whether we are “religious” or not, we all pass judgement on people. This topic is so timely for me – I have been struggling with this all week. When I have to deal with people I have a not so great history with, it is so easy for me to judge them harshly. Have you ever experienced a difficult relationship with someone who may have mistreated you, someone you can never see eye to eye with? Maybe it’s a co-worker, your teenager, a family member, your boss, your significant other. Do you find yourself quick to judge them based on your perception of their actions or inaction? We can take it a step further, what about someone that has media attention – a celebrity, people in public office, that parent who can’t seem to control their kid in Target. Have you ever gossiped about how you can’t believe they wore that outfit, had a baby by that guy 🤔 .Yes, yes…there are many opportunities for us to make judgments about others.
Judging by Appearances
Suppose you are at Publix, “where shopping is a pleasure,” and the woman in front of you has a shopping cart full of groceries and she is taking forever to put them on the conveyor belt. Then she takes forever to find her wallet in her junky purse. You are in a rush and you really don’t have time for her lack of motivation to check out quickly. What is wrong with her? Why didn’t she have enough sense to get her stuff together before she got in the line? Oh my gosh!!! Jeez, I’m exhausted just thinking of the judgments that are quick to come often in these common situations. In this instance, we have defined this lady as – stupid, slow, lacking common sense. We don’t even know her, we don’t know the details of her current situation, yet we have attempted to define her by our perceptions and by appearances.
Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment. John 7:24
Now, we are at our favorite shopping mall, enjoying the sites and the sounds. For the most part, all the people you see around you look like you. They are of the same socioeconomic class because you would not dare shop at the “ghetto” mall on the bad side of town. But out of nowhere, here comes a group of dark-skinned guys and they look like thugs. What are they doing here? They must be up to no good, they are probably drug dealers, maybe they are stealing or worse plotting to rob me. Oh crap, let me go the other way. Yeah, I went there. I went there because I have thought these thoughts before. And one day, the Lord told me that I should look past the clothing, the jewelry, the perceived thuggish-ness and look at the souls of the people He created. He told me, I wasn’t any better than them in His eyes because He desires all of His creation to be in relationship with Him. He told me He loves them and it hurts Him when I dismiss them and label them based on stereotypes and fear.
Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment. John 7:24
Judging by Casting Stones
The media has been filled with reports of celebrities committing suicide this week, first Kate Spade, then Anthony Bourdain. From the outside, it would seem they should have no reason to feel despair or commit suicide because they are presumably wealthy. There is this idea that if you just had more money all your problems would go away. But that is not true, (think Biggie, Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems). We will always have problems (trials and tribulations) on this side of heaven. But Jesus tells us to “Take heart because He has overcome the world,” John 16:33. What stands out to me in the aftermath of the suicides are the great levels of criticism and judgment that are being spewn across social media platforms and in office work spaces. Everybody is talking about it. Everyone has an opinion. “They were selfish people.” “They don’t know how to handle stress.” “That’s why I don’t want to be rich because rich people are not happy.” “I would never do that.” Casting stones. We have no idea what Ms. Spade or Mr. Bourdain were dealing with inside. We are not privy to the depths of their souls or their relationship with the Lord. Though their lives may have seemed flawless, we have no idea of the magnitude of the pain they were hiding. Casting stones without fully knowing the truth is a dangerous and slippery slope. Casting stones when you yourself sometimes struggle with the same things (maybe not to the same end) is hypocritical – be very careful.
Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things. We know that the judgment of God rightly falls on those who practice such things. Do you suppose, O man—you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself—that you will escape the judgment of God? Romans 2:1-3
Have you ever had to deal with someone you really did not care for – a boss who is always overlooking you or demanding more output, an ex you separated from because the relationship was toxic, yet you have to co-parent with them, or the family member who abused you as a child? Have you prayed the prayer I have prayed before: “God please make them disappear? Because if they disappeared my life would be so much better.” Sometimes it is hard to look past offense and see the soul of the person behind their outward actions. I struggle with this, especially when it comes to repeat offenders. In my mind I conclude that some people never change. Some people will always be jerks. Some people will always be selfish and that is just that, and then what ends up happening is I begin to treat them in a manner based on my judgments. Not a good look for someone who wants to spread love and share faith. Then God reminds me of how He transformed me. He reminds that my words have power – that a gentle answer turns away wrath and gentle words are soothing to the soul (Prov 15:1, 16:24). He reminds me that I am to forgive as He has forgiven me. And that I do not have the power or authority to define anyone, just like no one has the power or authority to define me. We all sin, but our sin does not define us. So who am I to pass judgement on another and attempt to define them when I myself have much room for improvement?
Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven. Luke 6:37
When we make critical judgments about people that are not rooted in love towards them, we expose the inadequacies of ourselves: self-righteousness, critical-ness, hatred, etc. None of those things are pretty, none of those things glorify God. We find ourselves trapped in the cycle of judgement because it makes us feel validated and superior. Think about it, how many times have you said something about someone (in judgement – public or private) that would wound their character and scar their soul, this week?
It’s not our job or duty to judge one another critically without grace and the truth of God. Instead, let us build one another up, let us forgive as we have been forgiven, let us look for the good (even if you have to dig real deep) and believe the best about people. Always remember no one is destined to a hopeless, impossible existence. God sent his son for all of us. Unlike us, He is patient and long-suffering, He desires to see all come to the saving knowledge of Christ. Let us do ourselves a favor and stop defining others based on limited knowledge and past experiences. Give grace, show grace (even when you feel justified to do otherwise), receive grace and wait on the Lord, for He alone judges righteously and eternally.
I leave you with this:
Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God. 1 Cor. 4:5
Until next time…. all things are possible with God.
P.S. I did a little research on the proper spelling of “judgement” and I came to the conclusion that neither is incorrect, so don’t judge me if your spelling preference is different from mine. 🙂
And speaking of judgement, I actually have a friend who is going to be a judge. If you are in Hillsborough County, “Vote Greg Green” in the August elections!