The lights, the sounds, the festivities all let you know that the holiday season is upon us. Christmas music starts playing in the grocery store in October. Shortly thereafter, huge sales are announced. Your calendar quickly fills with dinners, Christmas recitals and programs, and company holiday parties galore. Invitations and traditions begin to take over your normal, day to day routine, and for the most part it is wonderful. But what happens when you begin to dread the holiday season. Not the holiday itself, but the season….what happens when you begin to associate the holiday season with stress, depression, loneliness, emptiness?
For many people, Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, but for some it can be one of the saddest times of the year. Things such as struggling with trying to conceive (TTC) and infertility can be highlighted during the holidays. All of your extended family gets together and everyone is laughing, catching up and having a fabulous time, but you just found out your third attempt at IVF failed. How do you get through the holidays without being fake, without losing it, without putting a damper on everyone else’s holiday? The pressure of giving yourself shots, going in for ultrasounds, marking each day off your treatment protocol paired with the pressure of being present and festive for family dinners, Christmas parties, and making sure you completed shopping for everyone on your list can be just a tad bit overwhelming.
I remember vividly the year I went through my first round of IVF. After the initial consultation, I got my treatment plan which made it impossible for me to travel during the Thanksgiving holiday. At the time, I had not told anyone in my family that I was going through IVF because I did not want the extra stress of all the questioning and probing. I ended up declining to attend Thanksgiving with my family and that announcement was not well received at all. To add to it, my sisters baby shower was that same weekend. But I refused to tell them why I could not make it and I paid for it big time. Shaming and guilting was freely dumped on me and all the while, I was silently dealing with the physical, emotional and financial demands of undergoing IVF treatments. Talk about a huge load of stress.
I managed to get through Thanksgiving. Following that, my egg retrieval was successfully completed, and we got ten eggs! Yes! And eight were mature! Yes! Yes! Yes! Every bit of positive news brought more and more hope to Derrick and I. As I prepared my body for the fresh transfer of two embryos, I realized that my two week wait would end the day before Christmas Eve. It would either be a great Christmas present or a huge bummer. We transferred the eggs and then began the dreaded two week wait. We went about our normal traditions, which included traveling about eight hours away to see family. Every year we would go to my aunt’s house for a huge Christmas eve party. It is always a fun time. Lots of games, delicious food, and great conversations with family we haven’t seen all year. But this time was different. This time we had the looming question hanging over our head….”did it work?” We arrived on a Thursday, my test was on Friday, and the party was on Saturday. Wednesday the cramping began and I started to lose hope. But Derrick was filled with faith. So I tried to keep it together and remain positive for him. Inside I was falling to pieces…for the most part a woman knows and I knew it did not work this time. At this point, I didn’t want to go anywhere, I wanted to cancel Christmas and just stay home in my bed, but we traveled anyway. We traveled, and I pretended. I pretended to be happy. I pretended to be engaged. I pretended I wasn’t hurting when I was going through one of the biggest losses in my life. I suffer from secondary infertility. I was blessed with a son many years ago when I was in my twenties, but that didn’t make this loss feel any less painful. At this time, Derrick had no biological children and I wanted more than anything to have kids with him, but my body failed me. I lost two “beautiful” five day embryos and it broke my heart.
I made it through Christmas without falling apart. Derrick and I suffered silently that year. I would not wish that on anyone. It was terrible, but I know it happens. And every Christmas since 2014, I remember the two I lost, the two that never made it, and it makes me sad. But I have many things to be thankful for. Even during that time, I had a lot to be thankful for, health, life, family, faith, hope, more embryos in the freezer….
My prayers are with all who struggle with infertility and TTC, all who have lost a child or loved one. Christmas is a beautiful time but always remember to keep those who are suffering lifted in prayer. Don’t be hard on someone if they can’t make your event, you never know what they are going through. Give the gift of grace, sometimes it is the best gift someone can receive.
To my sisters who are struggling: You are strong, you are brave, you are enough. God knows the plans He has for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. He cares for you and He sees your pain and your struggle and your deepest desires. Trust Him and He will bring healing and comfort to your deepest yearnings. He will make all things clear in His time. Trust Him and believe that the best is yet to come!
~Enjoy your blessings~
LaTrice
What can you focus on this year to help you find joy instead of focusing on the pain of TTC and infertility?
Hey Trice! What a blessing to read this from you. So encouraging and beautifully spoken.
Thank you, that is all Holy Spirit 🙂
“So I’m someone’s mom!” Welcoming our first child, Cecily Philips Donnell, at 12:24 p.m. on Tuesday, July 14. We are absolutely head over heels in love with Cecily, and parenthood is already the most insane and beautiful thing in existence, It’s made me excited to have a little spitfire of a daughter of my own. I remembered when i found out i was pregnant 3years ago and was about to walk away from the musical. But at eight weeks, i had a miscarriage. i was so unhappy, until i seek help spiritually from a Dr Iya the herbal practitioner, who helps and guide me to get pregnant again, even at the trying times few weeks in April when i battled symptoms of the coronavirus including “a cough that makes it feel like my head is splitting open from the inside out, but luckily, the baby was okay with the doctors help. i am happy to finally be a mother, couples out there that needs help, trying to conceive a baby, contact my doctor on nativeiyabasira@yahoo.com , you will definitely have a baby to make you a parent.